Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
