Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
