If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
