Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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