I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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