ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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