Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Congratulations! We have a period
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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