I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
