sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
