My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My dick has a subreddit
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
