Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
