I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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