Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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