My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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