I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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