The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
