Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
