is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
