If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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