Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
