where am i from again
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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