i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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