I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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