dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
