Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
