And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
