Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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