your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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