We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
