I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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