There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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