Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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