what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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