Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
