32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
