Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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