K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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