Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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