North Korea, Best Korea!
i love accidental penises.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
