Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
