So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
