Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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