I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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