On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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