I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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