I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
