overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
