Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
