She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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