there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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